Music: To listen or not to listen...

I have just deleted 600 songs from my music library. A very hard thing to do. These past couple of weeks I have really been struggling with whether or not I should be listening to some of the music that I was. I came to the point where I really began to wonder to myself what part should music play in one's life and what kind of music should that be. I've come to the conclusion that any music with a beat is from the devil!! Well... no, not quite, but almost... ;-)

It started a couple of weeks ago when I began wondering whether groovin' with John and Jeff's rap was a participation in music that was evil (some or most of it is, the rap, that is). So I began a serious introspection into myself and what the Christian attitude is towards music. I went to confession and told the priest about my dilemma, he didn't really address music per se, but all he said was that Christ is the good shepherd and He also calls us to be shepherds (i.e. leaders). I felt that God was speaking to me, which He was and that I needed to really discern what God would want me to be listening to and how I should be His witness. I was about to go home and just go delete happy, but then I began thinking whether I might be going overboard and perhaps there were some songs that have some merit to them and didn't deserve to be thrown out with the rest. So I decided to do some research online regarding Catholic culture and today's music, in particularly rap and rock (and also jazz). I didn't find a whole lot. Most of it was denouncing music that I've always rejected such as hard rock (e.g. Linkin Park's "Crawling"), metal, and rap such as Eminem.

The stuff I was really struggling with were certain songs by Usher, Nelly, and some others that I found myself really liking that I had never really liked or listened to before. There were also other songs that I liked, but at the same time I knew I shouldn't like, so I wouldn't listen to them, such as the Killers and some other rap songs by Outkast and Usher for example.

One point in my struggle that really helped bring things into focus was during one of my Philosophy of Love classes. I knew that if anyone could help me understand what music is all about and how it relates to the human soul it would be none other than the great Dr. Fedoryka. Anyways, his comments were very insightful and helped me a lot. He didn't talk for very long about it (because it was rather off-topic), but it also made me recall some past intuitions I've had, but am not able to put into words. He said that music like rock and rap are not inherently evil, but they do tend to pull the soul down as opposed to some symphonies or operas that really make you feel like you are soaring. That insight really helped me see what the essential thing about discerning what music I want to be listening to. There is music that is not really bad, but sort of pulls you down to the level of the profane and the vulgar, not necessarily evil, but still not something you want to make a habit of listening to. That is another key point I think. Perhaps now and then it's fine to listen to some of these songs that aren't quiet Mozart, but are not on the other side of the spectrum with satanic, heavy metal, and evil rap. Folk music, country, jazz, some rock, possibly some rap or R&B is fine now and then, but nothing you want to make a habit of listening to. Much of this "intermediary" music "dissolves the sinews of the soul". What do I mean by that? It kind of saps the strength of the soul to stand upright, if you see what I'm saying. So anyways, what did I do then?

I took a few days where I really was self-conscious and aware of how music was affecting me and I cut back a lot on the music that I thought I shouldn't have as my "habit music". I thought I'd still keep it for the occasional time when it wouldn't hurt to listen to though. That changed at 7;30pm this evening though. What pushed me over the edge was I realized that I really need to be serious about being a saint (especially if the end of the world is coming in the next couple of decades). I realized that I have a lot of music illegally from Kazaa and really it is not just that I have some of that music. Going to libraries and ripping a bunch of CDs also constitutes music I shouldn't really have. I've always had a strange feeling when I've tried to justify my possession of these songs, but I just came to the point where I said "you know what? I don't need this music. I can live just fine without it. Sure, I might like it, but it's not like I'm going to die. Why am I so attached to it? I grew up without it. Even if I like it and it isn't really that bad, who's to say I can't make it a sacrifice to our Lord?" So in addition to deleting much music because it was music I did not want to make my "habit music", most of it I didn't even own lawfully. So I made the plunge and deleted approximately 600 songs. Since it was very hard at some points and I found myself still reserving some music that I really liked and was didn't really want to let go of (i.e. Cranberries, Usher, Sixpence, in particular) I didn't want to hold anything back. I am making a total commitment here. (N.B. Music like the Cranberries and Sixpence I don't think is all that bad, but I know I can listen to occasionally on CD or from Tommy. I just didn't want it to be my "habit music" like I said. But while it was very hard to click on the permanently delete button for certain music, it was also an incredibly liberating experience. It felt like I was taking a deep breath and a certain weight was lifted from my spirit. I was breaking off my attachments to this music and felt like what I was doing was right. Through it all I kept looking up to picture of Christ above my desk and I felt His pleasure. I really felt like He was right there with me when I did all of it.

So that's my story. I know it's kind of a personal (not really in the private sense, but in the sense that it's really only concerns me), but hey, that's what this blog is for. I am writing for you guys, but at the same time this is not just a list of events in my life, it also about my mental life, thus the blog's name: Muse. I do hope, however, that you guys might reflect on the music you are listening to and determine whether it is really stuff you want to be your "habit music". Over and out.

The End is Near

The end is near in more ways than one... most immediately I am referring to the end of the semester. I have a 7-9 page paper that is way overdue, 2 weeks to be precise, that I am still trying to get a handle on. The paper is for my epistemology class and my topic is Newman: The Grammar of Assent and the Illitive Sense. It's a pretty dense and broad topic which explains in part why the paper is moving slower than an average paper does. I also have to give a class presentation this coming Tuesday on the same topic so by then I'll obviously be an expert on the subject. ;-) I only have 12 more days till I am done with the semester and besides that epistemology paper I also have a 6 page paper due for my Philosophy of Love class. I need to write about a topic of my choice taken from Kirkegaard's "Works of Love". This is going to be a busy weekend.

I was pretty sick a couple of weeks back and my mom actually came and picked me up from school. Needless to say I took the green Maxima back to school, so I have it here with me now. I think I'm getting spoiled though. Now I can't imagine going back to not having the luxury of having the mobility the car affords me. Which means I'll have to buy a car this summer. Oh well... life could be worse. =) The place I go the most now to study is University of Michigan's North Campus Engineering Library. It is open 24/7 which is very nice. I was there till 3am tonight (I just got back a little bit ago) and I was there till 4:30am the other day writing my American Civilization paper on America, the World, and the League of Nations. It is so inspirational studying there. All of these Asian students are seriously up all night every night studying like crazy. No wonder China is going to take over the world.

The other end of the world that my post's title refers to is some interesting prophecy info I heard from my mom the last time I spoke with her. I usually am pretty dismissive of "end of the world" predictions and prophecies because 90% of them, if not more, are completely bogus. What my mom told me, however, was pretty interesting. She heard that St. Malachai had a vision of all the popes till the end of time and I guess he made a one line prophecy about each and every single one has come true thus far. For instance he said something to the effect that Pope John Paul I's papacy would last one lunar cycle, and of course it did. For JPII, he said that he would begin and end on a solar eclipse and apparently there was a solar eclipse the day he died that could only be seen in certain parts of the world. For our present pope Benedict XVI, he predicted something like he would be called benedict (you can tell this is a really 3-4th handish explanation). The thing is though is that after Pope Benedict there is only supposed to be one more pope, who is not supposed to be very good. After that is the end times.

I'm not saying any of this is true or you should believe in it, but it really got me thinking. If our present pope lasts about 6-10 years and the next pope will be the pope at the end of the world, that doesn't leave much time for the world as we know it. For some reason I've always had the feeling like the end of the world would come in my lifetime. I don't know why, but I've always felt that. After talking with John (my roommate) about this too he said that he's always felt the same way as well. After talking about this with John we went online and did some research on things like the 3 days of darkness and prophecies from people like St. Faustina that look pretty legit. It's not going to be fun. Plus, our Lord said that the people who live during the end times will have wished they had never have been born.

That night (last night) we rented and watched the movie Hotel Rwanda. People, let me tell you. This movie blew me away. Terrifying, horrifying, incredible, heart-wrenching. I just sat in silence for about 5-10 minutes after it ended unable to speak or say anything. It is about the Rwandan genocides in '94 and this man who is doing everything he can to protect 1,200 refugees from being added to the death toll of 1,000,000 Tustis massacred by the Hutu tribe. What made this movie so scary is that it is a true story that happened ten years ago in my lifetime. The whole West just sat by and let this atrocity happen. It is sickening to see how easily man can be corrupted to kill and murder thousands of people because the are of a certain race and how the "civilized" world can sit by and watch it happen. After watching this movie, I never appreciated how good we have it here in America. Liberty is so, so, so precious. I think I understand better why so many great men throughout history have been so willing to give up their very lives for liberty and peace. Don't ever take it for granted.

One thing that made the movie so scary to me is that in some of those legit prophecies I was reading there was mentioned a great persecution of the Church where this kind of massacre would be going on. Most likely here in America as well.

*N.B. I know this is pretty much always a given but there are a couple of scenes in Hotel Rwanda, so just be cautious.