Life is BeautifulI recently returned from a 3 week trip out to northeastern Oklahoma where I visited our friends from San Diego,
the Lawlesses and the nearby
Clear Creek Monastery. After the trip I almost immediately went to Grand Rapids, MI for the
Acton Institute's "Acton University" 3 day conference on religion and liberty.
The primary purpose of my trip to Oklahoma was to dedicate some time exclusively to God and discern His will for me in the silence and solitude of the monastery. When you give to God, He will bless your gift and make it bear much fruit as I have seen these past 4 weeks. I had originally planned to only spend one day at the Lawlesses' house during the three week period, but as it happened I fortunately was able to spend almost a week there. The entire trip did not seem to last long, but I certainly did and experienced a lot in that time. Unfortunately, I know there are a lot of details and events that I will not be able to recall, so I will highlight the impressions and experiences that have had the deepest impression on me and that remain with me today.
The Clear Creek ExperienceThe monastery and its grounds were absolutely beautiful. The property there is approx. 1200 acres. The monks would do the Divine Office everyday (a practice of prayer that occurs seven times a day) which really made the days go by very quickly there. Unlike you would expect a quiet monastic life to be, because of the Divine Office the time never seemed to drag. Life was like a 'Liturgical Merry-Go-Round' where you would do all of your daily activities in the time intervals between prayer.
Guests are not required to participate in all of the prayers, but I tried to attend as much as possible. So my typical day there would consist in waking up at 6 am and be in the chapel at 6:15 (after the monks finish matins and begin lauds). After lauds is low Mass where 7 Masses are all said silently in the Tridentine rite and you need to follow along with the missal and visual cues to participate as much as possible. After Mass there was about 30 mins for silent mental prayer before Prime at 8am. Right after prime we would have breakfast which consisted the entire time of a half a Peanut Butter and Jelly Sandwich, a bowl of Raisin Bran, and a cup of coffee. After breakfast I would return to my room and pretty much read until 12:50pm when we had Sext (I would usually not go to Terce and High Mass at 10am). Lunches at the monastery were very good. We would always start off with soup and a piece of homemade bread, followed by a tasty main course, and would finish with a dessert (usually yogurt, pudding, or some tasty French dish). After lunch the guests and Fr. Guest master (Fr. Bethel) would have a little chat outside followed by some free time before None. Every afternoon I would earn my keep by doing manual labor with the monks after None. I learned a lot during these work periods because I had the opportunity to help with projects I would not likely encounter at my house. Among other things, I helped build a shed, did metal work with a circular saw, drilled metal sheets on to a roof being built, helped lay a cement foundation, organized wood beams fresh off the mill, tested a well, painted an old dump truck, etc. After I was done with work I would go to the kitchen to drink some iced tea and then I would wash up before Vespers. We had some free time after Vespers and then dinner was at 7:30 followed somewhat closely by Compline at 8:35. After that sometimes I would go for a walk and say the rosary or I would go back to my room and read before retiring at about 9:30pm. So that's pretty much how the day would go with some variation.
The most significant insight during my time at the monastery was in my understanding of what 'discerning a religious vocation' really entails. I had come to the monastery with the paradigm that you had to storm heaven asking for a near definitive sign/feeling/conviction of what your "special" or particular vocation was. Pretty soon after I arrived at the monastery I asked Fr. Bethel if I could have some spiritual direction, so after dinner one night we sat down and I asked him if he had any specific tips or recommendations on how to discern a vocation, particularly to the religious life. He referred me to The Commentary on the Rule of St. Benedict, chapter 58 on vocations. This book said that there are only really three "vocations"' in the proper sense of the word. The first is God's call to all men to faith, this vocation is universal and obligatory. The second type of vocation is the religious vocation (loosely defined as the way of life that radically follows the Evangelical Counsels as Christ did), this vocation is also
universal, but a matter of counsel. That was what really struck me. (The third by the way is the ecclesiastical vocation which is elective and somewhat obliging, sort of like being elected pope.) The Commentary proceeded to explain that there is not really any such thing as a "special" religious vocation. In the Gospels Christ tells the young rich man that 'If you would be perfect..." this invitation is given to everyone, but Christ is also aware that 'not everyone can take this, but those who can, let them take it'. So pretty much I went there to ask God if He wanted me to be a religious and He really just threw the question right back at me. As far as my answer, right now I have other duties and obligations to attend to like finishing up college, paying off debt, and developing personally. So I am not declaring any intentions one way or the other for the time being. Anyways...
The Lawless Way of LifeMy time at the Lawlesses was unexpectedly quite an enjoyable visit and experience. I am very glad I was able to spend as much time with them as I did. I have not seen them since they visited our house back in 2002 for the World Youth Day trip about four years ago, except for a short visit we made out to San Diego in summer of 2003. We have all grown over these past few years that we have been apart and visiting with them now that I am a little bit older made me appreciate what a truly wonderful family they are. I have many many fond memories of my stay there. From our morning coffee ritual after low Mass to taking out 'Musk Thistles' under the merciless sun. =)
Their house is situated very far from civilization on a dirt road and on none less than two hundred and twenty three acres. It is difficult to conceptualize what a large parcel of land that is to the city slicker's mind. The yard has more than a couple of ponds, cedar forests, and pasture/meadows; you need a 4x4 vehicle just to get around the property in reasonable amount time. They have goats, chickens, and cattle all on their property. One of the first things that struck me after arriving there was the silence and peacefulness of the country. Unlike the 24/7 static hum of traffic in the distance here in suburbia, if you stood still all you could hear were the sounds of nature.
I was at their house kind of off and on. One day at the beginning of my trip, a couple more days after the monastery started overflowing with guests, and then a couple days right before I flew back home. For the majority of a day there I would work out in the yard with Mr. Lawless, David, and Joey. Since they've only been there for about 6-7 months, the primary task while I was there was putting up fences so they could utilize the pastures in their yard. So we dug holes, put in posts, cemented them in, etc. I must say, I am a lazy person. I am not nearly as energetic as the Lawlesses are, but one thing I realized out there was that to get energy you need to spend energy. The harder I worked, the more energy I seemed to come away with (not immediately of course, after working hard for 7-8 hours outside I wasn't exactly rearing to go =). Since coming home, I have been trying to do more around the house, especially yard work, which has been very satisfying for what little I've done. Anyways, regarding the trip... another highlight of working at the Lawlesses was haying time. I missed the bulk of the work because I was at the monastery, but I came back in time to do the last of the gathering of the hay bales. David and I got on the back of the truck, on the side was attached a rig called a 'lifter' (I think) that would grab the bales from the ground and lift them up and plop them on a small platform from which we would grab them and stack them on the back of the truck. You really needed to be on your toes (figuratively speaking) because the bales came in fast and didn't wait for you to finish organizing them. I really felt like I was living the farm life on top of 5 layers of hay bales on a moving truck. I sweat so much every day, you could say that ranching is a detox in and of itself. =)
One night that I'll never forget was the big bonfire we had out in the yard on top of a little bluff looking out over a pond and the main meadow under a full moon. There was a gentle summer breeze; you couldn't have asked for a more perfect night. We stayed up talking until 2am and could have easily stayed up later it was so nice outside. Ahhh... you had to be there to know the magic of that night. Life was truly beautiful. That has to be the simplest way to encapsulate 'the Lawless way of life": Vita Bella.
I wish I could remember and write more, but this will have to do for now if I'm ever going to get this posted in a reasonable amount of time. It was a great trip and I thank God for it. I do not know what Providence has in store for me, but you just trust and take life one day at a time. I am very blessed to have so many great friends and family, thank you all so much.
